Post by Sithspawn on Feb 3, 2005 8:18:44 GMT
The Wizard of Gar
Loosely based on the Published Dungeons & Dragons adventure 'The Land Beyond the Magic Mirror' by Gary Gygax and the MGM movie 'The Wizard of Oz'
Viper awoke, handcuffed to her bed, in Time Bandit HQ. Her head throbbed from her alcohol experiments the previous night. Her body ached in places that made her smile. For a few minutes she lay there with an inane grin on her face. An image of a tall dark handsome man formed in her dreams, a though that was shattered by the dread though, "Urgh! I hope it wasn't the Phenom!" Opening her eyes Viper found her room booby-trapped. Strings criss-crossed her room. If she triggered the wrong one the bomb would go off. Viper grinned and started pulling strings until her room shuddered from the explosion, but it wasn't in her room. Well it makes sense to blow up someone else's room. Suddenly a new sensation hit the pink haired punk, "I have to pee." Viper grabbed a vibro-saw from her bedside table and freed herself from the handcuffs. She couldn't use her own bathroom because of last weeks experiment involving the toilet and a grenade. The Bath was out as it was being used to mix a new more potent explosive. The sink was out too, Viper remembered the last time she tried to pee in the sink, she fell off, hit her and missed breakfast. It was the communal bathroom down the corridor then.
Viper was about to step off her bed when she noticed something out of the normal. Was it the dirty clothes scattered about the place? No. The hap-hazard way that explosives with the marking 'Warning: Handle with Care' were precariously balanced in the corner? No. It wasn't even her dirty knickers hanging from her framed picture of the A-Bomb. The floor. The floor was covered with newspaper, with a bulge her and there. Then it hit her. Last night, in her drunken state she had mined her room! "Damn!" Viper thought. With extreme care, and crossed legs, Viper tip-toed towards the door. Click!!! "Oh f....!!!" Viper dived to the door as one of the mines exploded.
Meanwhile, down the corridor, Jakk and Pollok, two petty thief's had pulled their repulsorcar alongside an open window of the building and climbed in.
"Are you sure this isn't the Time Bandits place?" asked Pollok.
"Sure," said Jakk, "That place is a couple of blocks over."
"Good," said Pollok looking about cautiously. "It's just that I've heard a lot of strange things from them 'Bandits. I saw one of them the other day, doing the shopping. Must have been eight feet tall, blue skin, and a skull face. Very nasty."
"Relax. There'll be no trouble here," assured Jakk, then patting the large gun in his hands replied, "besides, we have these."
Viper picked herself up, her pink hair slightly singed.
"VIPER!" Screamed out a vicious voice. Viper looked down the corridor to see the half human, half Xenomorph Ripley marching towards her. "You blew up my room!" Viper just stood there legs crossed in nothing but her undies and penguin nightshirt. Ripley grabbed hold of Viper. "WELL!!!"
Viper looked up at Ripley and giggled, "I gotta' pee." Ripley growled.
"Hey," said Viper shrugging off the alien, "It's not my fault. I went drinking with Jake the Snake and Oliver Reed. I was pissed. I meant to blow up the Phenom's room."
"The Phenom is in his castle in Purgatory."
"Yes, I know that now. But I didn't know that last night when I was pissed," snapped back Viper. "Oh, and another thing."
"What?!"
"I really have gotta pee."
As the two argued Jakk and Pollok rounded the corner. Viper, ignored them, but started in their direction, the direction of the bathroom, with Ripley close behind.
"Blast 'em!" shouted Jakk. Pollok raised his gun but Viper was already on top of him. Viper snatched the gun from the thief and hit him hard in the face with the butt of the weapon. Pollok fell to the ground with a thud. Jakk shot towards Ripley, but missed, a pink sludge of bubble-gum hitting the wall behind her. Viper looked at the weapon now in her hand, "Bubble-gum gun, cool." Viper broke into a run towards the bathroom leaving Ripley to deal with Jakk. The 'Bandit was not so lucky, Jakk, with more luck than skill hit the half alien woman pinning her to the wall in a mass of bubble-gum.
With gun in hand, panites around her ankles, Viper sat in the cubicle relieved at last. She picked up a spray can to add to the already much graffitied wall. "PheNom HAS A sMAll ..." suddenly the cubicle door flung open, kicked in by Jakk.
"Do you mind?!" screamed Viper, "I am trying to PEE!" With that she shot Jakk with bubble-gum gun she took from Pollok. Jakk was stuck to the floor. Viper walked over to Jakk, did a little knickers-less dance, then punched out the thief. Pulling up her undies Viper freshened up.
"Viper is a loser!" called her reflection in the bathroom mirror.
"Piss off!"
Vipers reflection continued to tease her by pulling face and bobbing out her tongue. "Will you shut up?" said Viper.
"Make me," retorted her reflection clenching her fists and shadow-boxing. "Oh, I am so bad. I'm gonna' hit you so hard your children will be born bruised." Viper retaliated and the verbal assault went on between Viper and her reflection for several minutes. Eventually Viper lost her temper and punched the mirror. Viper then realised she had punched into the mirror, it's surface rippling as she did. Her reflection grabbed her by the wrist and Viper met her own gaze. "Oh f......!!!" called Viper as she was dragged into the mirror.
Ripley arrived, still sticky, in the bathroom several minutes alter after freeing herself from the bubble-gum. "Where is she now?" Ripley thought to herself.
"She's gone, loser, so why don't you?!" called out Ripley's reflection. Ripley turned to the mirror. Unlike Viper, and Bossko, Ripley knew that mirrors didn't talk. Ripley looked around, just in case it was one of Bossko B's jokes, only to be continuously taunted by her reflection. Already angered by being woken up by being blown up, followed by getting covered in bubble-gum, Ripley simply turned to smash the mirror. To Ripleys surprise she is sucked into another world.
For Trish, it's party night. Arranged to meet up with Tanya and Britney, Trish adds the finishing touches to her outfit when she feels a cold breeze. Reacting as most Time Bandits would her first reaction is to look around for Bossko B. or Viper. Then she spots what appears to be snow under her wardrobe door. Sure that this is no Bossko prank Trish opens the door to be hit by a cold wind. Trish pulls aside her clothes only to see another hanger of clothes she knows was not there before. Curious, Trish pulls aside these clothes, then some more, and some more. Before she realises it Trish has walked deep into her wardrobe and soon the clothes become bushes and there is snow underfoot. Trish turns around to go back, but there is no way back.
"Great," Trish mutters to herself, "I push through layers of coats to get to Hoth and never picked one up."
Cold, lost and confused Trish soon hears a noise and sees a Taun Taun driven sleigh. A dwarf drives the sleigh, and his mistress, a regal looking woman sits behind him.
"Hi," calls Trish, "Can you help me please?"
"Help an old slapper like you?" said the dwarf, "Ya' can fuk uff."
"Now, now," said the regal lady. "Do ignore my driver."
"Don't yer ignore me ya' bitch!" shouts the dwarf.
"I can can help you," the lady continues. "Unless, you serve... him!"
"Who?" enquired Trish.
"The false king. The lion who would... no, I can say no more."
"Sorry?"
"She means Azlan," shouted the dwarf, "Ya' dumb fukkin' bint!"
The banter continued for a few minutes before the lady instructs her driver to drive on. The dwarf snatches the reigns and the sleigh disappears into the snow blanketed forest.
Trish wanders the forest, growing ever colder. She hears a noise, and steps and bumps into someone. Feeling behind her she feels a thick fur, and as she turns she sees a giant lion standing upright.
"You are lost stranger," says the lion in a booming, roaring voice.
"Let me guess," said Trish, "you're this Azlan fellow."
"I am Azlan, King of Narnia."
Bewildered, Trish listen to Azlan, and discovered that only by walking backwards around the magic tree three times could she get home. So off she goes and finds the magic tree. Trish tries to perform the apparent simple task of walking backwards around the tree, but she keeps tripping, falling into the snow. On her fifth attempt Trish notices the tree roots moving, and deliberately tripping her. Trish shouts at the tree in frustration, only for the tree to shout back, leading to a heated argument between Trish and the tree! Trish eventually gives up and, in a strop, decides to make a snowman.
"Gosh, thank you for that," said the Snowman to Trish's surprise.
"Huh?"
"Thank you," the Snowman said again. "You have no idea what it's like being scattered all over the ground like that. If there is anything I can do to return the favour?"
Trish thinks about this, then explains her predicament, and that she needs to walk backwards around the tree. Frosty, yes that's the snowman, agrees to help guide Trish. As Trish walks around the magic tree for the third time a doorway opens. Bidding Frosty goodbye Trish follows the stairs down.
Viper landed on a large soft cushion in the middle of a large plush lawn. Ripley landed hard on the ground next to her.
"Ow!" complained Ripley, "That hurt."
"I'm fine," smiled Viper getting up off her soft cushion. They were in a garden, large and well kept. In the distance tall flowers could be seen, and the opposite end a large well kept old house build of wood. Viper instantly took off towards the house with Ripley close behind.
Loosely based on the Published Dungeons & Dragons adventure 'The Land Beyond the Magic Mirror' by Gary Gygax and the MGM movie 'The Wizard of Oz'
Viper awoke, handcuffed to her bed, in Time Bandit HQ. Her head throbbed from her alcohol experiments the previous night. Her body ached in places that made her smile. For a few minutes she lay there with an inane grin on her face. An image of a tall dark handsome man formed in her dreams, a though that was shattered by the dread though, "Urgh! I hope it wasn't the Phenom!" Opening her eyes Viper found her room booby-trapped. Strings criss-crossed her room. If she triggered the wrong one the bomb would go off. Viper grinned and started pulling strings until her room shuddered from the explosion, but it wasn't in her room. Well it makes sense to blow up someone else's room. Suddenly a new sensation hit the pink haired punk, "I have to pee." Viper grabbed a vibro-saw from her bedside table and freed herself from the handcuffs. She couldn't use her own bathroom because of last weeks experiment involving the toilet and a grenade. The Bath was out as it was being used to mix a new more potent explosive. The sink was out too, Viper remembered the last time she tried to pee in the sink, she fell off, hit her and missed breakfast. It was the communal bathroom down the corridor then.
Viper was about to step off her bed when she noticed something out of the normal. Was it the dirty clothes scattered about the place? No. The hap-hazard way that explosives with the marking 'Warning: Handle with Care' were precariously balanced in the corner? No. It wasn't even her dirty knickers hanging from her framed picture of the A-Bomb. The floor. The floor was covered with newspaper, with a bulge her and there. Then it hit her. Last night, in her drunken state she had mined her room! "Damn!" Viper thought. With extreme care, and crossed legs, Viper tip-toed towards the door. Click!!! "Oh f....!!!" Viper dived to the door as one of the mines exploded.
Meanwhile, down the corridor, Jakk and Pollok, two petty thief's had pulled their repulsorcar alongside an open window of the building and climbed in.
"Are you sure this isn't the Time Bandits place?" asked Pollok.
"Sure," said Jakk, "That place is a couple of blocks over."
"Good," said Pollok looking about cautiously. "It's just that I've heard a lot of strange things from them 'Bandits. I saw one of them the other day, doing the shopping. Must have been eight feet tall, blue skin, and a skull face. Very nasty."
"Relax. There'll be no trouble here," assured Jakk, then patting the large gun in his hands replied, "besides, we have these."
Viper picked herself up, her pink hair slightly singed.
"VIPER!" Screamed out a vicious voice. Viper looked down the corridor to see the half human, half Xenomorph Ripley marching towards her. "You blew up my room!" Viper just stood there legs crossed in nothing but her undies and penguin nightshirt. Ripley grabbed hold of Viper. "WELL!!!"
Viper looked up at Ripley and giggled, "I gotta' pee." Ripley growled.
"Hey," said Viper shrugging off the alien, "It's not my fault. I went drinking with Jake the Snake and Oliver Reed. I was pissed. I meant to blow up the Phenom's room."
"The Phenom is in his castle in Purgatory."
"Yes, I know that now. But I didn't know that last night when I was pissed," snapped back Viper. "Oh, and another thing."
"What?!"
"I really have gotta pee."
As the two argued Jakk and Pollok rounded the corner. Viper, ignored them, but started in their direction, the direction of the bathroom, with Ripley close behind.
"Blast 'em!" shouted Jakk. Pollok raised his gun but Viper was already on top of him. Viper snatched the gun from the thief and hit him hard in the face with the butt of the weapon. Pollok fell to the ground with a thud. Jakk shot towards Ripley, but missed, a pink sludge of bubble-gum hitting the wall behind her. Viper looked at the weapon now in her hand, "Bubble-gum gun, cool." Viper broke into a run towards the bathroom leaving Ripley to deal with Jakk. The 'Bandit was not so lucky, Jakk, with more luck than skill hit the half alien woman pinning her to the wall in a mass of bubble-gum.
With gun in hand, panites around her ankles, Viper sat in the cubicle relieved at last. She picked up a spray can to add to the already much graffitied wall. "PheNom HAS A sMAll ..." suddenly the cubicle door flung open, kicked in by Jakk.
"Do you mind?!" screamed Viper, "I am trying to PEE!" With that she shot Jakk with bubble-gum gun she took from Pollok. Jakk was stuck to the floor. Viper walked over to Jakk, did a little knickers-less dance, then punched out the thief. Pulling up her undies Viper freshened up.
"Viper is a loser!" called her reflection in the bathroom mirror.
"Piss off!"
Vipers reflection continued to tease her by pulling face and bobbing out her tongue. "Will you shut up?" said Viper.
"Make me," retorted her reflection clenching her fists and shadow-boxing. "Oh, I am so bad. I'm gonna' hit you so hard your children will be born bruised." Viper retaliated and the verbal assault went on between Viper and her reflection for several minutes. Eventually Viper lost her temper and punched the mirror. Viper then realised she had punched into the mirror, it's surface rippling as she did. Her reflection grabbed her by the wrist and Viper met her own gaze. "Oh f......!!!" called Viper as she was dragged into the mirror.
Ripley arrived, still sticky, in the bathroom several minutes alter after freeing herself from the bubble-gum. "Where is she now?" Ripley thought to herself.
"She's gone, loser, so why don't you?!" called out Ripley's reflection. Ripley turned to the mirror. Unlike Viper, and Bossko, Ripley knew that mirrors didn't talk. Ripley looked around, just in case it was one of Bossko B's jokes, only to be continuously taunted by her reflection. Already angered by being woken up by being blown up, followed by getting covered in bubble-gum, Ripley simply turned to smash the mirror. To Ripleys surprise she is sucked into another world.
For Trish, it's party night. Arranged to meet up with Tanya and Britney, Trish adds the finishing touches to her outfit when she feels a cold breeze. Reacting as most Time Bandits would her first reaction is to look around for Bossko B. or Viper. Then she spots what appears to be snow under her wardrobe door. Sure that this is no Bossko prank Trish opens the door to be hit by a cold wind. Trish pulls aside her clothes only to see another hanger of clothes she knows was not there before. Curious, Trish pulls aside these clothes, then some more, and some more. Before she realises it Trish has walked deep into her wardrobe and soon the clothes become bushes and there is snow underfoot. Trish turns around to go back, but there is no way back.
"Great," Trish mutters to herself, "I push through layers of coats to get to Hoth and never picked one up."
Cold, lost and confused Trish soon hears a noise and sees a Taun Taun driven sleigh. A dwarf drives the sleigh, and his mistress, a regal looking woman sits behind him.
"Hi," calls Trish, "Can you help me please?"
"Help an old slapper like you?" said the dwarf, "Ya' can fuk uff."
"Now, now," said the regal lady. "Do ignore my driver."
"Don't yer ignore me ya' bitch!" shouts the dwarf.
"I can can help you," the lady continues. "Unless, you serve... him!"
"Who?" enquired Trish.
"The false king. The lion who would... no, I can say no more."
"Sorry?"
"She means Azlan," shouted the dwarf, "Ya' dumb fukkin' bint!"
The banter continued for a few minutes before the lady instructs her driver to drive on. The dwarf snatches the reigns and the sleigh disappears into the snow blanketed forest.
Trish wanders the forest, growing ever colder. She hears a noise, and steps and bumps into someone. Feeling behind her she feels a thick fur, and as she turns she sees a giant lion standing upright.
"You are lost stranger," says the lion in a booming, roaring voice.
"Let me guess," said Trish, "you're this Azlan fellow."
"I am Azlan, King of Narnia."
Bewildered, Trish listen to Azlan, and discovered that only by walking backwards around the magic tree three times could she get home. So off she goes and finds the magic tree. Trish tries to perform the apparent simple task of walking backwards around the tree, but she keeps tripping, falling into the snow. On her fifth attempt Trish notices the tree roots moving, and deliberately tripping her. Trish shouts at the tree in frustration, only for the tree to shout back, leading to a heated argument between Trish and the tree! Trish eventually gives up and, in a strop, decides to make a snowman.
"Gosh, thank you for that," said the Snowman to Trish's surprise.
"Huh?"
"Thank you," the Snowman said again. "You have no idea what it's like being scattered all over the ground like that. If there is anything I can do to return the favour?"
Trish thinks about this, then explains her predicament, and that she needs to walk backwards around the tree. Frosty, yes that's the snowman, agrees to help guide Trish. As Trish walks around the magic tree for the third time a doorway opens. Bidding Frosty goodbye Trish follows the stairs down.
Viper landed on a large soft cushion in the middle of a large plush lawn. Ripley landed hard on the ground next to her.
"Ow!" complained Ripley, "That hurt."
"I'm fine," smiled Viper getting up off her soft cushion. They were in a garden, large and well kept. In the distance tall flowers could be seen, and the opposite end a large well kept old house build of wood. Viper instantly took off towards the house with Ripley close behind.